What I Feel About Dying

When I think about dying, I’m always pulled back to that time when I was in a hospital waiting for my Uncle’s dialysis session to finish.

I was seated on a cold, battered hospital bench. And as it was a public hospital, I remember the lights are so much dimmer than it should be. Huddled around me were exhausted people, waiting on their relatives to get better. We only got the humid air going around, so many of them were holding fans or anything that may resemble it. Some of them laid slumped on the floor, trying to get a bit of sleep.

I remembered being so tired that day. Going around from the laboratories to seeking additional financial help from the hospital’s social welfare section. All I really wanted to do that moment was go home, wash all the dirt away and sleep like the dead.

And just as that thought popped, I saw this gurney pushed by two people. When they pass, I saw that on the gurney was a tiny body fully covered with white cloth. They’re going to the elevators. Straight to the hospital’s morgue.

Up until that time, I was convinced that I’m not afraid of dying. Death, after all is natural. As all people are born, all of them must die. But at that moment, I felt anger. And shame. Then guilt. And finally, I became afraid.

Dying made me feel anger

I was angry because it’s not fair.

That was a child. A dead child that cannot be older than ten years old. I looked back from when I was ten and that’s when I started to appreciate a lot of things – family, friends, school, teacher, even learning because finally, division’s making sense.

I was also ten when I realized that going over the school’s fence to cut class just so you can watch a betamax movie in your classmate’s house was pretty awesome. What I marked as an exciting start of my life was an end to that child on the gurney. It was so unfair.

I felt like a good farmer put a sapling in well-lit place. Watered it good. And waited for the perfect moment when the leaves are fresh and tender just so he can smash it with his foot. That’s how senseless it is. Or like how I wasn’t able to get that division is multiple subtraction, just like what my Maths teacher said when I was ten.

If this world is what Darwin made it up to be, are the whiners the stronger ones? Because most people get to do that while others are dying. It’s unfair how people complain about living while others didn’t even have the chance to live. Or kept fighting for it but didn’t win, didn’t survive.

Dying made me feel ashamed and guilty

Shame swiftly came after. How dare I complain that I’m still able to do all these? What am I doing wasting this life for something so trivial as whining. I can always get some rest and then have a go on the next thing that I’d like to do because I’m alive. But that kid right there on the gurney? Not anymore.

I can’t help but think, did the kid knows he’s about to die? Was he able to do all that he can do with the time he’s left with? It also made me ask myself, “Am I doing anything worthy with my life?” Because I know I’m guilty of wasting so much time.

In that moment, in that place, people are fighting to live. They’re undergoing daunting treatments. They’re taking their chance at life. And there I was, a pathetic, ingrateful vermin, wanting to sleep off my mine.

Dying made me fear mortality and embrace life

And then I feared mortality. I know everything will end, but how? When? I was seized by this strong yearning to live. To get on whatever I was putting off. I thought about all the things that I’d like to do, all the places I’d like to see, all the people that I long to meet… All these things that life can still offer and that I can still grab on to – I want to reach out to them, I want to live my life in full.

In my mind, I thought, I know how valuable life is. But it’s only then have I learned how to cherish it. That instance when the gurney passed shocked me, scarred me for the rest of my life. But it humbled me as well. It’s a valuable lesson that I learned that night. And maybe by writing this, I just want to pass it on.

As always thanks for dropping by!

Featured Image by Aron

Inset Photo by Gabby Orcutt

Successfully Adulting or Not

Adulting v. to do the things an adult is expected to do. This includes holding a job, taking care of the bills, maybe starting a family, going for your dreams, etc. It used to be called growing up. But really, it’s all about getting your life together.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll soon find that it’s not the easiest thing to do. So often have I wished for a ‘Skip Adulting for Today’ button. If I have one though, I doubt it’s still working because I may have broken it by now.

What Helps Me Through Adulting

So much has been said about adulting. But I still find myself looking for an adultier adult, because it can get seriously frustrating sometimes. The following may sound preachy, but what isn’t? So far, they’re pulling me through:

Patience

Man, do I need to be reminded of this time and again. I used to be a firm believer that now is as good as any time. But I learned that knowing the “right time” is also a form of intelligence.

If you’ll be able to wait willingly and hold out with a good attitude, the outcome may surprise you. This doesn’t just apply to timing. It’s also about interacting with people. Like, how you learn to respond with grace even though you’re this close to hitting, punching or stabbing someone.

Or when you’re so excited to get approval from the boss, but the boss isn’t in the best mood to listen. It can also be about enduring the leg work now for all the wisdom and experiences that it will give you further down your career. Patience, my dear, is inevitably tied to delayed gratification. And in most times, you’ll realize that the end gratifies greatly, indeed.

Discipline

Or doing the right thing, at the right way, all the time. It’s about doing the thing that needs to be done, even if you don’t want to do it. Going to work on Mondays is a perfect example.

In some cultures, discipline means creating an order within you. It helps you put first things first and avoid making excuses. That’s why to me, discipline means honoring your commitments, your deadlines, your promises. It’s the ultimate test on following-through.

Determination

The kind that answers the questions: How badly do you want something? How much are you willing to pay (sacrifice) for it? These questions also test the quality of your decision-making. How firm you are in your decision affects how determined you are to accomplish it. I’m far from mastering this determination thing. Because I usually change my mind about everything. As we all know, motivation doesn’t last. But determination helps you persists.

Gratitude

…for everything because being alive is enough reason to feel blessed. There are bad circumstances, sure. But these downsides help us appreciate this one life that we’re given. Failure teaches you lessons. Success teaches you humility. ‘You live, you learn’ as the song goes.

Final Thought:

Nobody can escape this period and it will make up most of our lives. Granted, adulting can really be scary and tough, but hey, I’m with you, we’re still here. We’re going to be okay. Afterall, all of us is still a work in progress.

As always, thanks for dropping by!

All the Bright Places: Thoughts and Reviews

It’s been awhile since I picked up a young adult work of fiction. I was expecting Jennifer Niven’s All the Bright Places to move along the same cheesy story lines. The ones that follows the plot of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, but boy still wins girl at the end.

But no.

It seems nobody wins at the end of this story. And sadly, it may be happening to someone you know right now.

I never expected the book to be about suicide – a topic that has become so prevalent this past years.

Growing up, I know the issue is real. As real as bullying or domestic violence or cancer. I think every one of us has some level of experience with the topics I mentioned. It may only be the names, places or situations that may be different.

The book is a bit too cruel. Imagine having to deal with deaths that took place within roughly a year of each other? How can you even begin to find the sense in learning to lean onto someone and then having that someone taken away forever?

But as painful as the story is, it also teaches you to hope, to reach out and to move on.

All the Bright Places to Hope For

Going someplace new and different doesn’t just change what’s outside. More importantly, it moves something within us. It allows our minds to open up to new perspectives, to increase our appreciation of what we have and long for the possibilities in the future. It develops our depth as a person and the relationship we have with the person whom we experience them with.

Just like how Violet’s and Finch’s project of wandering over Indiana allowed them to explore themselves, too.

All the Bright Places to Reach Out To

As with Dr. Seuss’ poems, we can’t always expect to win every time. There would be moments when we’ll fall and fail. When this happens, it’s so easy to fall in the trap of negative thinking, to feel like you’re lost and worthless. What the book never failed to show is that there are always, always people and groups who are ready to help you out. It may not be something you will immediately like. But know and remember that you’re not alone.

Sometimes, it can be disappointing that the people you expect help from are the same people turning you away. They may be in denial (like Finch’s family) or they may just be ignorant (like Roamer and his friends). But knowing this doesn’t make the pain any less or the confusion any clearer. I think the key is to never stop trying to reach out to anyone who you think may help you. There would always be other friends, other responsible adults, experts and organizations who’d be willing to hear you out.

There are several organizations that Niven listed in her book. Locally, here are some useful links and hotlines you may check out: Manila Lifeline Center and HOPELINE.

All the Bright Places to Move On To

Niven’s characters are about to graduate high school. Most of them have already submitted applications to different Universities in and out of Indiana. I like how Violet decided to finish the project she started with Finch. She may just be hoping for closure but I knew she was able to find more than that – peace and strength to move on. After all, she still has her own mountain to climb.

What I most like about the book is how Violet’s family is always ready to listen and at the end, all the tragedies have made them better and stronger.

Dealing with Death

Of course you never just get over with a loved one’s death. You just get used to it. And in between life and remembrance, we may find solace on the thoughts and memories they have shared with us. All those times we may never take back but may just give us the push to move on-wards with life.

You can get your own copy of Jennifer Niven’s All the Bright Places at National Bookstore or through Amazon.com.

Add to that Dr. Seuss’ Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

As always, thanks for dropping by!

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Positive Affirmation and the Power of Words

If you’re a fan of self-help books and personal development, you may be familiar with positive affirmation.

Positive affirmation is a statement that confirms something to be true. Repeating a positive word or phrase is a proven psychological self-help process especially for changing, adding or removing specific behaviors and habits¹. Jack Canfield, a success coach, even outlined nine (9) guidelines on how to create effective affirmations on his book, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. Other experts, like motivational author ²Louise Hay, actually has an audio-book that features positive affirmations.

BENEFITS OF POSITIVE AFFIRMATION

Various experts and studies support the effectiveness of adapting this concept in our daily lives. One website ³ cites the following benefits of positive affirmation:

Strengthens muscles.
Increase physical and emotional energy levels.
Brings to life a person’s capabilities, strengths, talents and skills.
Penetrates a person’s subconscious, thus affecting one’s actions, behaviors and attitude.

A simple search of this term on the internet would give you hundreds and hundreds of stories of people who show affirmations really work. Of course, take everything with a pinch of salt. Positive affirmation should not be the be-all-and-end-all of your self-improvement journey. This should just form part of your action plan to achieving your goal of personal growth and success.

PERSONAL AFFIRMATIONS

I really believe that words have power on their own. This is why we should be very careful on what we say to ourselves and to others. Words, when said often enough, inspires belief which then may turn into action and reality.

The following are some of my personal affirmations. You may also create affirmations that are specific to your job or relationships. Hope you may find these useful:

As always, thanks for dropping by!

Useful Links:

¹Definition

²Louise Hay’s Free Audio Book

³Benefits of the Concept

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4 Ways to Regain Your Motivation When You Have None

Motivation is a tricky thing.

We all wish we’re always at 100% – that our energies would never waver or the flames of our passions never dull. But we’re fragile, fallible human beings. There would always be times when we feel down, when our motivation seems to reach a state of hibernation. This situation is perfectly normal and okay. But what’s not okay is to be content in staying low inside that depressing hole.

Whenever everything feels like draining or overwhelming, I’d do one of the activities below to regain my motivation. These are not hard and fast rules and you may find that some doesn’t apply to you. But you can definitely give them a try:

4 WAYS TO REGAIN MOTIVATION

1. Go back to your “Whys”.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters

It’s so easy to get lost when you’re so into something. So try and go back to the basics. Dig out that list you created when you first started. On each line, you’re sure to see or remember why you’d committed to doing them in the first place.

Being reminded of the reasons that you’re doing something re-frames the situation and may get you back on track. It may also help you make sense of what’s been happening. It can also help you identify the next step you have to take. And sooner, rather than later, you’ll find that drive to go on.

2. Think about the opportunities.

Photo by Aziz Acharki

There are times when fear gets the better of us that it dampens our motivation. But this only happens when we’re so focus on the burdens instead of the benefits, of the opportunities. If we’re able to re-channel our focus and anticipate the good things that may come, we can regain the excitement that we’ve lost. This excitement may just topple fear and will allow us to regain the strength to take the next best step forward.

3. Get help from your support group.

Photo by Ben White

Sure, we’d like to think that we can take care of our own issues, but reaching out to our support group can never hurt. If nothing else, they can be our greatest source of external motivation. Your support group may include your family, friends or colleagues. They can be the concrete parts of our “whys” or they can be the models we strive hard to become one day. Their love and support may just be the forces that we need to get our drive back.

4. Give yourself a break.

Photo by kosal ley

It may be for a short while or long vacation. But let there be a healthy space between you and your goals. You need time so you can replenish your energy and your inspiration. Taking a step back allows you to see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished. This also gives you time to strategize. Indulge in a fun activity or go to that place you’ve wanted to go for the longest time. Read a book. Meditate. Pray. Play can also be beneficial. Let that inner kid roam free.

How about you, how do you take your motivation back? Tell us about them on the comments section below.

As always, thanks for dropping by.

Featured Photo by Braden Collum