Life – Page 2

Three Things You Can Do When Facing Possibilities

Possibilities spell out the likelihood of an event or thing from happening. You can also say that they prelude changes. And like life itself, possibilities aren’t just about dealing with solid negative or flat-out positive outcomes. They’re also filled with gray areas. After all, nobody ever has 100% information every time.

Instead of freezing up in the face of possibilities, here’s what you can do:

1. Get your facts straight.

You got to establish the premise that the possibility can exist at all. Look at the proof or evidence. How do they support or disprove the possibility? Though intuition can get you far, hard facts and evidences keep you grounded on reality and help you come up with a sensible plan.

2. Pick your stance.

Your attitude toward possibilities depends on their impact to your life. This means that you’re most likely to act indifferent if the possibility is less likely to happen and if it happens, it wouldn’t affect you that much. This is a case of live and let live.

It gets trickier though, when a possibility is more likely to happen and can greatly affect your life. You have to think about how the outcome can be an advantage or a disadvantage to you. Of course, when you identify it as an advantage, you may be excited or overjoyed! But if it’s a disadvantage, you may be frightened and anxious. These emotions are understandable, but useless. The possibility is more likely to happen, anyway. So you better get your act together.

3. Develop a plan and stick to it.

Whether it’s a positive or negative outcome, you need a plan on how to face the situation when it happens. When you identify the possibility as an advantage, determine how you can maximize it. Will it so that others can benefit from it as well. Express gratitude and infect others with positivism.

If the possibility would have an adverse effect, brace yourself. Identify the specific aspect of your life that will be hit the most. Is there any way to limit or minimize its effect? Determine the time frame that you’ll be working on. This will help you set priorities. You can also ask for help. In times when you don’t have enough answers, look for people who can fill in the blanks for you. You’ll never be 100% ready, so leave a room for faith. Everything does work at the end, but the essence of the plan is to carry you through it all so that you can reach the end.

In both cases, practice caution. Great expectations over possibilities with great advantages may lead to misery when they unfold in ways you failed to anticipate. And to fill your days with anxiety is to miss on other awesome things that life can offer.
As always, thanks for dropping by!

Sometimes, One Person is All You Need

Sometimes, one person is all you need. That one person who believes in you, who trusts you and will be there for you no matter what. This person helps you get across the boundaries of fear, push your limits and dare you to start over.

Just one person who knows you enough, who believes in who you are and have faith in what you can become. Just one person who knows your reasons without even asking, who’s willing to go down swinging for you. Just one person to stand beside you, come hell or high water.

Just one person.

Someone who can hate the things or persons you hate.

Someone who can love the things or persons you love.

Someone who’ll stay up late or come to your door at 2am just because you ask them to.

Someone who’s attempt at clarity is enough amidst the vagueness of everything else.

Someone who’ll never have to find you, because they’ll never let you get lost.

You’ll turn to this person when things don’t make sense or when they make so much sense, you needed help bursting your bubble. One who’ll shatter the walls when they get too thick. One who’ll walk through a maze with you just so you can figure it out together.

The love between you and this person is unique. It’s so much like the love you have for yourself. Where “I am You” is not a mere statement, but the truth.

Just this person and you.

Your Person.

How Successful People Win Against the Hardest Things in Life

Challenges are the ultimate test of character. Winning over them is like winning at life. While some struggle, others seem to have them figured out. Here are four of the many challenges in life and the steps that successful people take to win over them:

Change

Change is something that you just have to accept. It’s especially overwhelming when you’re not the one who initiated it. But successful people seem to breeze through changes. They’re the ones who can look back and say that change had been for the better, for the most part. This attitude or perspective makes them more receptive to change. It makes them actually excited about it.

Reflect on the following questions. These will help you break down your thoughts and let you come up with specific action plan to embrace change:

What’s changing in my life that I’m currently resisting?
Why am I resisting that change?
What am I afraid of with respect to change?
What am I afraid might happen to me?
What’s the payoff for my keeping things the way they are?
What’s the cost I’m paying for keeping the things the way they are?
What benefits might there be in this change?
What would I have to do to cooperate with this change?
What’s the next step I could take to cooperate with this change?
When will I take it?

Risks

To the uninformed, risk accompanies danger and loss. But to those who know how to play the game, risk results to gains. The higher the risk, the higher the return.

The thing is you need to be critical on the kind of risk to take. Learn to take calculated risks. These risks are taken after careful consideration of the advantages and disadvantages. Information, therefore, is essential. Of course, nobody has all the answers. So, this also requires a leap of faith.

Know that not every risk is worth it so be very clear on why you’re taking it. Evaluate your current situation – who you are, what you have, what’s out there, who can help you. Be brutally honest on your willingness to pay the price and for how long you can hold out. Be prepared to make adjustments. Play to win.

Denial

Often, denial results from fear. You’re scared to face the truth. You refuse to accept that you made the wrong choice, or your partner’s cheating on you or one person is capable of doing such a thing. Successful people work to find out the causes of these situations, instead of coming up with excuses on why they happen. You got to be good at recognizing bad situations and then decide to take action. Often, our conscience or gut-feel gives us a hint that something’s wrong. It may be good to see if this feeling has basis.

Your answer to these questions may help you get out of denial:

What’s not working?
What caused this situation? Or how did I/we get into this situation?
What do I/we need to solve or get out of this situation?
What actions do I/we need to take for the situation to work the way it’s supposed to?

Hate and Forgiveness

To let go of hate and resentment is never easy. These negative feelings take so much of your energy. But forgiveness takes even more than that.

You need to have the strength to be the bigger person. Make love the deeper, stronger feeling every time. Try to stand in the shoes of those who hurt you and walk around in them so you understand where they’re coming from. Because to forgive is to give up the negative feeling for yourself – never for whoever or whatever that’s hurt you.

The following steps are all integral to forgiving:

Acknowledge your anger and resentment.
Acknowledge the hurt and pain it created.
Recognize the fears and self-doubts that it created.
Own any part you may have played in letting it occur or letting it continue.
Acknowledge what you were wanting that you didn’t get, and then put yourself in the other person’s shoes and attempt to understand where he or she was coming from at that time, and what needs the person was trying to meet – however inelegantly – by his or her behavior.
Let go and forgive the person.

I used Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles as reference for this post. The book aims to help you achieve your goal in whatever aspect of your life. It features real-life situations and inspiring stories to demonstrate each principle. They’re very easy to relate to and understand. For more success tips, do check it out on National Bookstore, Amazon or ebay.

How about you, what challenges are you facing right now and how do you go around them?

As always, thanks for dropping by!

Interventions for Toxic People at Work – Yes Boss, This is About You, Too

Toxic people are the unnecessary crazies at work. Spending even a minute with them zap your energy. Hearing them talk rile up feelings that are mostly negative. For them, everything is big deal. There’s not an office hour when you can skip their drama. In extreme cases when they tend to be hurtful, they make you feel like your existence is the smallest, most insignificant of all. You don’t want to do anything or be around with them but they’re part of your team.

Posts on how to deal with toxic people at work just abounds. You can at least find a dozen ways on how to handle these people. Most of them are all about protecting yourself. They go on about establishing a limit or making yourself less vulnerable. It’s like: Never reach out to toxic people at work, period.

Quote on Toxic People — Or is it? Taking it from a team leader or a concerned team member’s perspective, how’d you go about helping a toxic team member to change?

I tried a quick search on how you can help a team member change their toxic behavior. I’ve encountered some self-confessed toxic people and how they eventually changed. According to them, it’s all about self-awareness – recognizing the signs that you’re becoming a toxic person and initiating changes that mostly include therapy and restraint. (Whoa, therapy sounds so serious!) I’d like to think that they are what Randy Pausch would call recovering jerks in his book, “The Last Lecture”.

Workplace Interventions for Toxic People

This info-graphic from GetVOIP might be a good springboard on the interventions that the management can do to change toxic employee’s behavior. It may be applicable for both subordinates and managers:

5 Types of Toxic Employees and How to Deal with Them [Infographic]

Interventions for Toxic People Using Emotional Intelligence Approach

If you want a lengthy study on toxic managers, this article by Roy Lubit may be really insightful. The article aims to help senior management identify toxic managers so they can distinguish those who can still be coached and therefore, retain, and those who they need to let go. He argues that to effectively deal with toxic people, you need to understand where they’re coming from. Uncovering their objectives will help you design interventions accordingly. He emphasizes the importance of developing emotional intelligence so it can help you reign in your feelings and behaviors, rather than letting the feelings run away with you.

In his article, there are four types of toxic managers:

Narcissistic
Aggressive
Rigid
Impaired

Each type comes in several varieties. The author put each in a table so personal traits and objectives can easily be identified. He also put in recommendations on how to deal with each type, both for when you’re a subordinate or a superior.

I may not always agree on the recommendations, especially the ones for subordinates. Most of it seemed to lean on downplaying performance or avoiding provocation. But to senior management, it can be a good springboard on how to reach out to once well-performing managers who devolved into being a toxic boss.

If you can share any tips on how to reach out to a colleague or a boss who’s become toxic, put them in the comment below.

As always, thanks for dropping by!

ONE MINUTE MANAGER SPEAKS ON HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE BETTER

The One Minute Manager has arguably oversimplified management principles and focused a bit too much on dealing with subordinates at work. Yet, it’s allegorical style and use of ordinary words rendered it a very easy read. The principles presented are also practical and adaptable.

It rests on the idea that people and results go hand in hand. This means that how you treat your people greatly impacts your bottom line. Therefore, it’s extremely important to deal with them in the proper way. The book highlights the significance of setting goals/expectations and how to give out praises and reprimands.

If you’re in a middle management position, I recommend grabbing a copy of this book. You’ll find that the scenarios presented are relevant and it wouldn’t take too much of your time.

A word of caution though. Never take the title of this book literally. The One Minute Manager is just an expression, an attempt to put away the idea that a management position is one of the most complex and difficult there is. I’d like to think that this book is a sort of initiation, an intro that touches mostly on how to deal with people.

Here are the three most important points in the book that can help you become a One Minute Manager:

The One Minute Goal Setting

First, set expectations clear and straight. Goals need to be brief and mutually agreed upon. It must only have 250 characters or less and can be read in a minute. Identify the behaviors that will lead to the achievement of the goals. Review the goals time and again and check whether the behaviors matches the goals.

Set Clear Expectations — Be upfront with your people.

The One Minute Praise

Your people want to know how they’re doing at work so it’s important that you give them immediate feedback. Try to catch them when they’re doing things right. Specify the good behavior and commend them for it. Pause a bit so that the good feeling sinks in. Gestures like shaking hands or touching the shoulders may be good ways of reinforcing your message. But take care that the gesture makes your people comfortable and your touch, sincere.

How to Properly Train People — Catch your people doing things right.

The One Minute Reprimand

Giving out reprimands has two parts. First part includes reprimanding people immediately. Specifically point out the bad behavior and express how you honestly feel about it. Let there be an uncomfortable silence in between so that the situations sinks in.

The second part include reaching out to person and sincerely expressing you’re still on their side. Make them understand that this is about their work performance and not them as a person. Finally, when the reprimand is over, it’s over. Don’t ever bring it up again.

Behavior does not equal worth. — A person’s behavior does not equal his or her worth.

Though it’s hardly a quick-guide to all things management, The One Minute Manager by Kenneth Blanchard Ph.D. and Spencer Johnson M.D. shows you practical steps on how to deal with people better. Parents also have found the principles useful when raising their children.

Check the book on Amazon and Goodreads.

As always, thanks for dropping by!

NOTES TO SELF ON HOW TO DO BETTER IN 2017

2016’s coming to an end. Though not without challenges, it must have brought you something that you’re thankful for. You may have gained work, new friendships, a special someone or a family. As you get ready for the coming year, it’s always good to think about the things you may want to do better in 2017.

Here’s my list, albeit not conclusive nor specific. I consider them my guidelines or my notes to self for 2017. I hardly keep in line with my resolutions as most people do. But if I just remember the why’s or it’s value for me, I tend to honor them more.

Sleep better.

And make this a priority. Staying up late and arguing you’ll just catch up on it can cause trouble in the long run. So when it’s time to turn in, do just that. Cultivate a sleeping habit. Dim the light. Play a mellow tune. Surround yourself with fluffy pillows. ~~Sleep with someone, if that makes it any better.~~ Say your prayers. Let the next hours be a pause after all the hours of frenzy movements. Respect this time that you get to do the best form of preparation for another day.

Eat better.

This goes beyond satisfying your hunger or eating healthy foods. These days when everything seemed to be on fast forward, eating has become a dine and dash activity. How about relishing the food a little more? Eat in a way that enriches you. Dine with a friend. Cook for other people. Try food from other places – it’ll always reveal something about yourself and that town’s culture. Eat slowly when you can. Share when you can. Respect this time that you get to take in physical blessing.

Work better.

Work all the time that you work. Set time to get ready for the things you’re going to do for the day. Let others know about your priorities so that when they interrupt, they’re certain about the time you can spare for them. You can always reorganize tasks as needed but you’ll only get to do this if you’ve got the preparation right. Also, work smart. What can you delegate? Are there tasks that you can automate? Which tools do you need to make your work smoother and easier? Please understand that work culture varies from company to company, country to country. Usually, you’re only paid for 8 hours. So, unless it’s necessary to go beyond that, don’t render overtime. Remember that you got to have a life after work, too.

Work all the time you work. — Prepare to do your work and stick to your priorities.

Communicate better.

Yes means yes, no means no. It’s not always easy to speak your mind, but still you gotta try. Write it down, gesture if you must, but you gotta make your point across and clearly. Listen, understand, respond. At work, present your ideas as follows: What?- So What? – Now What? So be brief, yet concise. It’s because one, people have short attention span and two, they got their own lives, too.

Think better.

Thoughts become things. It means that whatever you conjure in your mind can happen. So make it a habit to think positive thoughts and see to it that they outnumber negative ones. The ability to anticipate outcomes is good, but if you lean too much on the negative, you may not want to start anything at all. Be cautious of your optimism as well. Try pragmatic, but entertain the bizarre because it’s important that you be creative, too! So read. Ask questions. Pick the brain of experts. You may watch their interviews or pore over their essays. You may find TedTalk awesome, too!

Dream better.

I’m talking about conscious dreams, the ones with timelines, those dreams which you strive so hard for. Have you achieved them yet? If yes, good for you. Make them bigger. Or get ready to start on another dream. If you haven’t achieved them yet, try harder. After all, your dreams must be enormous. They must scare you, inspire you and move you. So, don’t settle for anything less. Keep striving. Ask for help. Share it with others. The Universe is always listening and its conspiring to make your dreams come true.

Laugh better.

I believe laughter is the sound that your heart makes when it overflows with gladness. It can also be your soul calling out for celebration. Laugh at yourself for it makes you grow. Laugh with others as it develops kinship. Expose yourself more to things that at least bring you smiles. Share these things to others when you can. Allow yourself the opportunity to show others how please you are at the moment.

Laughter at Mind Catalog — Make sure to laugh better and often.

There you have it! My list of what I want to do better in 2017. I thought of adding reminders in line with live better or love better. But all these, when observed faithfully may already lead to those. So, if you got any other notes to self that will make you do better in 2017, feel free to share and put them in the comments below.

Again, thanks for dropping by!

Why You’ll Fail to Have the One Great Love of Your Life

You tell yourself time and again that the next one would be the right one. That this time, you know better. This time, for sure, will be your great love forever. But two next ones have passed and you’re still left bruised and broken. “The bastards”, you think. Then you start asking yourself, “Is it me? What’s wrong with me?”

You’ll brush that thought off. You tell yourself to look forward, always onward. There lies the future after all. The one future you’re going to cherish with the greatest love of your life. And this thought gives you hope, the strength to take on another chance.

After a while, the night goes longer, the darkness starts creeping into your heart. Will this one stay or is this one the same as all the others? You start praying… please let this person be the one. Let this one stay. Let this person love me forever.

Still you doubt, because so much like that future you look forward to, you know nothing’s for certain.

And that’s why you’ll fail to have that one great love of your life.

You fear all the ways that you can fuck this up.

You may start to love the person less. It must be all about you now. Bruised and broken remember? Time to protect yourself and hide away. It wouldn’t make any difference if this person leave or stay.

You may love the person more. You’ll give it all you got. What of bruised and broken heart? You’d like it to be unconditional, all-consuming. For if this person ever leaves, you’ll be nothing but a shell of who you used to be. And that’s not living at all.

Or you may finally pool that little courage you have and decide to be smart about it. Start learning about yourself – your mistakes, your triumphs. The people you’ve had before – what are they like, what did they give you, what did they do to you? Perhaps you can teach your heart. No matter how stubborn it gets, you still own it and whatever you own, you can influence. Start healing on your own. Leave the notion that someone’s going to save you. That person’s not coming, baby. You only have you. So, take care of yourself. Make it so that you feel you’re whole again, confident again, strong again. Just about ready to replace doubt with trust.

And if you should fail, know that the Universe has a humor, too. And yes, it may be playing a cruel joke on you.

On the Glory of Alcohol and Epic Hangover

You gotta give it to alcohol. It’s one of world’s most glorious temptations. It levels up everything – joy, excitement, sorrow, pain. Even beer tastes sweet when you’re drinking with the right kind of people. I personally put this on the list of why I believe and worship God! But alcohol almost always comes with the most earnest of its friends – hangover. No matter whether you’re drinking with family, friends or workmates, this miserable friend never fails to make you regret the booze that you had that time. I’d like to think that every bad case of hangover makes it to the list of I-swear-never-to-do-again-but-did!

Indeed, waking up and going to work with the feeling that your head may split open every few steps is just freaking hell! I learned how to do walling along corridors because of hangover; have experienced faux case of bulimia because of hangover; and almost lost faith in myself one time when I woke up asking these remorseful questions, “What am I thinking? Or was I even thinking last night?” Oh the misery!

You may think that feeling miserable is getting quite a good deal out of your drinking bargain, but think again. Hangover may just be a short-term side effect, unlike developing liver disease, but it poses great hazard as well. It may actually cause your death.

Whoah, that almost had you thinking twice about drinking, right? You already miss seeing those golden sparkles inside that beer mug or feeling that warm sensation going down your throat.

So, on this joyous season I’d like to share this info-graphic that discusses the biology of hangovers, its prevention and usual remedies. It’s more like a reminder-to-self kind of thing every time you decide to get drunk. And as always kids, drink moderately!

This info-graphic tells us the causes, prevention and remedies of hangover.

Mentors Preach: Lessons Practiced at Work… and Life

It’s said that if you want a great career, look for a boss, not a job. I’ve been blessed to have worked with brilliant mentors in recent years. Though none of them is perfect, all of them contributed to what I know now. I will only have my gratitude to offer them.

Here are some of those important lessons I learned from my mentors, both useful at work and in personal life:

Do one thing at a time.

This means you got to learn how to properly prioritize your tasks. Everyday is a cycle of work that’s left undone from yesterday and tasks assigned to us today. It’s not uncommon to hear some coworkers complain over workloads and new projects. Multitasking has also been a common practice. I feel blessed that I got to work with a boss who recognizes the value of time. He’s also one to meticulously screens the quality of work. When tasks stack up, he’ll often say, “Drop everything and work on the first item on your list. ‘Cause if you’re finally done with that, then you can stop thinking about it. And you can put your whole attention to the next item.”

Photo Credit: wwarby Grandad’s Watch via photopin (license)

Do not fall in love easily.

“Sometimes, when we love something or someone, we’re content to let them be the way they are. It seems to us that they’re already perfect. But that’s loving blindly and that’s not helping them. Always challenge what you’re seeing right now. Identify what’s working. Ask what’s not working and how the change can be facilitated.” In effect, these statements best describe how branding/rebranding works. And to be working with such an excellent brand person is truly a great experience. These words ring true to our personal lives and a wide range of other industries as well.

Photo Credit: Nick Fuentes Lejano. via photopin (license)

You can be good leader and a kind leader at the same time.

Though not in the exact words, Bob Davids said, “If you push people, deep inside, you wouldn’t know where they will go. But if you’ll show them how it’s done, then they’d follow you…And whenever you give power to your subordinates, that power comes back to you in the amount that’s always greater than what you’ve given away.” This sums up my experience with this particular mentor. She guided, encouraged and trusted me to do the things that I myself didn’t think I can do. Of course it wasn’t always perfect and there were times when I’ve been all over the place, but my mentor’s patience and generosity carried me through.

Photo Credit: Luigi Mengato Leadership As A Service via photopin (license)

Sincerity goes a long, long way.

When I thought people whose names are as good as VIP pass only exist in fiction, there’s actually this very cool guy who’s just that. Of course, it took him much time before he gained this advantage. He told me, “Initially people would only do business with you if they perceive you as the better deal, but that’s just the start. What you must do is to sustain that initial contact and continue to establish the relationship – be reliable, be trustworthy, genuine and concerned. It’s a tricky world out there and while you must do your job, you should also learn how to play it cool and enjoy yourself.” And yes, guys, he acts as he preaches.

Photo Credit: bellmon1 Helping Hands via photopin (license)

Dedication takes you places.

Most of our superiors have been in the company for at least three years. The amount of time that they’ve put into the job may be tracked, but the dedication that they’ve put in along those minutes is definitely immeasurable.

I’ve met a Manager who’s been with a 48-year old company for 32 years and another who chose to work during weekends to deliver reports on Monday.

I think people with this amount of dedication also has a great sense of accountability, not with just the output but with the people working under them. They are also usually the people who occupy the higher ranks. We always complain that we’re overworked or the tasks just keeps piling up. But not everyone in the higher rungs passes down the work, some of them shoulder the bulk of the load themselves. They may even have made greater sacrifices. These mentors taught me that I should be thoroughly responsible and dedicated to my tasks and that I can always give just a bit more to go the extra mile.

Photo Credit: Daquella manera Milla Extra via photopin (license)

You may also have other lessons from your mentors, feel free to share them in the comment section below!

Tiny Feet

Tiny Feet
by Gabriela Mistral

A child’s tiny feet,
Blue, blue with cold,
How can they see and not protect you?
Oh, my God!

Tiny wounded feet,
Bruised all over by pebbles,
Abused by snow and soil!

Man, being blind, ignores
that where you step, you leave
A blossom of bright light,
that where you have placed
your bleeding little soles
a redolent tuberose grows.

Since, however, you walk
through the streets so straight,
you are courageous, without fault.

Child’s tiny feet,
Two suffering little gems,
How can the people pass, unseeing.

Tiny Feet Analysis

Here is one of my most favorite foreign poems of all time. I suddenly remembered it from years back. I got a link for a copy of this poem and read my comment, explaining its meaning. (Yeah, I’ve forgot all about it!). And I was glad because my comment (now you know my name is Jel!) was actually helpful.

Note: I also wrote my analysis on this page. The content will be more or less the same from the link above.

In any piece of literature, as in any piece of art, one should first know the history of the person who created it so as to have a fuller understanding of the work.

Gabriela Mistral has been called a feminist most of her life, but she’s really a child advocate. And she wrote this particular poem to call attention to child prostitution.

From where she was born, prostitution, especially of children, has been rampant. Children, at the very young age of 5 or 6, are pushed to this trade in order to help their families. Child prostitution has become just another social issue that people choose to ignore.

The title, Tiny Feet, is a phallic symbol, just like the size of a male’s feet connotes the size of his sex organ.

There are several imagery and symbols in the poem. The word “snow” can mean indifference. Just like how we describe people who seem not to care at all as cold. “Soil” symbolizes fertility, referring to the vulnerability of female children. Tuberose is a plant that belongs to the lily family. In literature, it means dangerous pleasures. “Two suffering little gems” refers to virginity.

This poem calls the people attention protect and give importance to children. They are the most vulnerable member of the society and as older people, we are responsible for giving them shelter, security and support.

As a literary piece, this work is so reflective of Mistral’s style. She’s not a stickler for traditional poetry elements. The most defining element of her works is the strength of emotions she’s able to convey through the various use of metaphors, symbols and themes.

This poem has brought me sadness, made me feel horrible and ashamed. Sadness because it’s true, child prostitution is a real social issue and a great concern at that. Horrible, because I just couldn’t imagine the plight of a child described in the poem. And ashamed because I didn’t realize what the author wants to say until a literature professor explained it to me (and I’m not an active participant to end prostitution). I was so ashamed that I got shallow understanding about this beautiful piece of art. I felt I wasn’t giving it the respect it deserves.

Much is also true for what I felt with Ghibli Studio’s movie, “Spirited Away” which also alludes to child prostitution. That discovery made me really sad. Again, I was clouded by my ignorance.

So, if you want to add your own analysis or interpretation of the poem, please do so on the comments below. Thanks for dropping by!